Over the weekend a man in Florida was shot dead by police officers for eating another man’s face. That’s right, another man’s face. It gets weirder, because for some reason both the eater and the victim were naked. When police told him to stop, he stopped for a second and growled at the officers before continuing to rip apart the victim’s face with his teeth. The hypothetical cause that is believed to be the cause of this zombie-like carnage is drug psychosis or effect of some super LSD.
This can’t be an LSD effect. LSD is supposed to turn regular people into brilliant innovators, take for example: Steve Jobs. This one is more like an early onset of t-virus from Resident Evil.
There are bad business ideas and products out there, and then there is this one. In attempting to market scented candles to reach the other half of the population, a candle company by the name of Yankee Candle created new scents specifically created for men. With names like “2×4”, “riding mower” and “man town” their targeted audience are probably people like these:
Hmmm, maybe it’s time to visit the patent office and submit a new idea of tampons for guys. Sounds like the next big “it” item.
Remember this ad from a while ago?
The twins looked hot in that video huh? Ok now brace yourself for the weird. A man in Utah married twin sisters and their cousin. Yup, you guessed it they are Mormons. Between the four of them, they also have 24 kids. Normally these kind of topics warrant some sort of banjo heavy tune, but in this case that won’t even do it justice. Talk about overpopulation and leaving a massive amount of carbon footprint, these guys are prime offenders. And in case you guys are confused, that guy didn’t marry the same twins on the Coors Light commercial.
Well guys and girls, might as well claim your twins and cousins right now because later this year there will be a 50% chance that a new US president will be a Mormon.
Here’s a story for all the cheap dads out there. A boy in Saudi Arabia asked for a playstation from his dad, but the dad refused to buy it for him. After the father came home without bringing the game system as requested, the boy then shot him in the head and killed him. How cheap of a father can you be, the boy was just asking for a Playstation! Not Playstation 3 or even 2, a friggin Playstation. The best game for that system was probably Final Fantasy 7, where the main villain Sephiroth was a fairy of some sort. With one wing! Anybody could have afford a fairy with one wing!
So fathers, buy your kid a game system will you? How else are they going to practice aiming? Aiming is useful for proper toilet etiquette and other things, you know. You don’t want your kid to grow up to be a smearer do you?
Speaking about headshots:
A former rugby player in England claimed to turn gay after recovering from a stroke. He then proceeded to break up with his pre-gay fiancee and start a new career in hairdressing. What can we learn from this?
- Stroke will get you out of any kind of serious commitment. Not ready to get married after being engaged for 3+ years? Stroke! Can’t pay mountains upon mountains of bills? Stroke!
- Apparently playing rugby in itself is not considered gay yet, despite numerous proof like this:
- This guy is surprisingly not gay:
Where is his left moob? Why can’t we see his left moob?!
The recent tsunami scare in Thailand due to a nearby 8.6 magnitude earthquake caused a lot of panic in that region. Not willing to miss the opportunity to make some money, KFC Thailand urged people to pick up a bucket of chicken before evacuating the area via Facebook message. This Facebook message ended up getting a lot of flak from people blaming KFC for being insensitive. KFC Thailand’s response to the criticism is summarized in this picture:
For a country that has a rather lenient view on ladyboys and all sorts of sexploitation (i.e. ping pong and other activities as depicted on Hangover 2), Thailand sure seems uptight about a bucket of chicken. Here’s a tribute to a bucket of KFC chicken:
A man by the name of William Todd in Nashville – Tennessee committed 11 felonies in 9 hours. Among the crimes that he did was:
- Steal a taser, a revolver and a shotgun before proceeding to setting fire to the place he stole those weapons from,
- Using the guns he stole to rob 4 people coming out of a bar,
- Stole 2 taxi cabs,
- Broke in to a law office and poop on a desk,
- Stole $600 bucks from a guy while crying the whole time,
Here’s a video detailing those crimes in a more chronological order:
Any guesses on what could make somebody to go berserk like this? Desperate moments think that he probably missed an episode of My Little Pony – Friendship is Magic. Don’t mess with those bronies.
Good news everybody! Now you can eat all the burnt toasts, drink soda straight from the cans, chain smoke cigarettes, and talk on a cell phone as much as you want without fear of getting cancer. A company in Israel claimed to have developed a cancer vaccine that will help our immune system to fight off all sorts of cancer cells. Take a look of this video:
If it worked on the stick figure animation, it must be true right?! After all this is just the 50th company claiming to have found a “fix-it-all” vaccine for all sorts of garden variety cancer. Along with this announcement, desperate moments would like to take this opportunity to announce a new product that we are coming up with: Diapers made of asbestos. It’s significantly more durable than regular paper diapers.
*Side effect of vaccine includes: pooping candy, chronic fear of leprechaun, super droopy boobies and rainbow colored ear wax.