First topic of the day: desperate business ideas. We at desperate moments completely understood the magnitude of the US economy crisis, and the requirement of creative and new ideas to make money nowadays. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to just put any nutty new ideas out there. Take for example this caesar salad flavored cotton candy. Whoever created this abomination is most likely a fatty (caesar salad is like a gateway to diet) that is probably encouraged by her surrounding to show her creativity. Well, we at desperate moments have some bad news for you lady: you are dumb and fat, but mostly dumb. If you want to create some sort of a county fair kind of food which is the only place this kind of crap really belongs in, then where are the mountains of bacon, the crazy deep frying technique, and the unnecessary powdered sugar+chocolate+caramel combinations?
In other news, another fat chick had a bright idea of stealing 26 boxes of condom and an ovulation test. First of all, that’s contradictory! Do you want to get knocked up or not?! Second of all, condoms are out of fashion according to the “official book of living a long life written for and by morons”. According to that book, you should omit condoms all together and wrap the peepee with several layers of trash bags instead. This will not only seemingly make it look bigger, but it’s waterproof and reusable. Finally according to the same book mentioned above, they found a cure for AIDS. Apparently if you inhale a large amount of carbon monoxide, it will suffocate the HIV virus in your body. This new method is sooooo new, it’s not FDIC approved yet.
Speaking about peepee, here’s an oldie but goodie tribute to the ole family jewel: